By Yuti Patel
I want to go home – saying those five words is part of my daily routine.
I say that one sentence wherever I go – whether it’s a relative’s house, school, or even university. It’s also been my daily sentence during my trip to Prague with my Journalism group from De Montfort University in Leicester.
The first night I was here, I was already homesick!
Until now, I didn’t realise my Autism/ADHD were the reasons why I have moments where I’m such a sharp and rude person when I’m on holiday or on a trip faraway. I’m always told “make the most of it” by my mum when I tell her that I want to go home and feel like I’ve had enough of my trip.
My lecturer Brian Dodds had told us that the trip to Prague “would not be a holiday.” But to me, that’s what it felt like. Think about it – packing my bags, getting a hotel, exploring the city, eating out together for a casual meal, taking pictures, spending money – it seems like a holiday to me.
If only if it wasn’t so hot, or if I wasn’t on my period, or didn’t have any work to do, I would’ve relaxed more easily these past five days.
My AuDHD also makes it hard to let go of things even if I try to.
Whenever I go abroad, I cannot let go of the thought of being at home – which makes it takes longer for me to adjust to the routines on the trip. If someone has made me upset or has done something that was only a little bit disrespectful, I find it so hard to let it go. Those thoughts linger through my mind for a long, long time until I find something new that gives me an adrenaline boost or something to vent to someone about.
I prefer to be in places where there are LOTS of familiarities, which is why I want to go to those places (such as home/London). They say ‘Home is where the heart is.’ That saying is so true. Home is where my heart is – every single day.
Funnily enough, my AuDHD makes me feel things that don’t make sense….
- I want to be taken care of but also have my own space
- I want to be famous but also hidden
- I want to do things with a group of friends but also be by myself
- I love doing work but also I don’t feel like doing anything
- And many more….
Here’s another example about me holding onto thoughts. On day two in Prague I went to Staromestska to take pictures of the book tower in the Municipal Library.
Afterwards, I went outside to explore the area. As I was walking, I saw a beautiful dark blue shirt with a skirt in a clothes shop window. I wanted to buy it, but it cost Cz8200 (about £290). That would be a stack of money to me even in Cz because I only had 100 and 200 notes but not enough to make 8200.
So I left the shop and went back to our hotel. But there was one thing I hadn’t done.
I hadn’t taken a photo of the outfit in case I find a similar one for a cheaper price back in the UK. I thought that outfit was so expensive and would be easy to find online for a cheaper price.
So I decided to return to the shop the next day as I was too tired to do so straight away.
The next day, I went to the Dox art gallery with my tripmates Portia O’Toole, Lea Zackova and tutor Jeremy Clay.
I was looking around the gallery and visited the exhibition on the history and artwork of news stories.
But the thought of that one outfit still filled my mind.
All day that day, I looked on Google maps to find out which clothes shop from Staromestska the outfit was in. I remembered the landmarks but I didn’t remember the name of the shop. It’s the same feeling of seeing your crush for the first time and then wondering where he is and stalking his social media.
So, after visiting the art gallery, we parted ways and I headed straight to Staromestska to find the outfit. It was so hot and hard to find the metro. Eventually after what felt like a long walk through the hot sun, I found a metro station and headed off.
After getting out of the station, I returned to the municipal library and tried to retrace my steps to find that clothes shop. I had expected it would be an easy find, but it turned out I only remembered one small part of the area.
I went around every corner, looking at the street names, went to familiar places, even the ones I saw on Google maps. I even went through a tunnel under a large building which I remembered from the day before.
I was about to give up and head back to the hotel – and maybe leave and go back to the UK, treating that one outfit like a distant memory.
And then as I went through that tunnel, my tired self looked to my right and I SAW IT! I had found THE SHOP!
I went to the window like I’d seen my long-lost lover and finally took my photo of the outfit.
I looked up to see the shop’s name was Bogner. I could tell by the logo that it was for the rich to wear so I went inside to see if there was a discount. But sadly, there wasn’t, it was still Cz8,200.
I left to try to find my way home and found myself walking through a street of luxury brands – Gucci, Channel, Balenciaga, and all sorts. My broke-ass couldn’t take being out of place!
I tried to find the metro station. I felt like it had disappeared! How was I supposed to get home?
I sent my location to our group chat and waited for a reply. As I was waiting, a tram arrived. I was so frustrated that I couldn’t read the language. But I just wanted to go back to the hotel so I just got on – the number 17 tram.
As I sat down, my tutor Brian phoned me. We had a chat over the phone. He asked where I was but he couldn’t hear what I was saying due to the tram’s noise so he asked me to get off at the next stop – which was across a white bridge. So I did.
I got off the tram but our call disconnected. I called him again. I was panicking and panicking but eventually Brian calmed me down and guided me on where to go and how to get back:
– Cross the road and take another tram heading back the way I had come
– After the tram crosses the bridge, get off again
– Cross the road to the metro station and take the red metro C line to I P Pavlova station
– Get off at I P Pavlova, and walk out of the underground station through exit E3
– Walk back to our hotel
I was so relieved when I saw Brian waiting for me when I reached the hotel and could go to rest in the garden area where some of the others were chatting.
I swear, for AuDHD people, things disappear and reappear again, including PLACES!!!!
But back in the hotel, where I could relax, I couldn’t stop thinking ‘I want to go home’.
