LGBT History Month is rich with stories, good and bad. Leicester resident Ruth Fraser, a professional storyteller herself, tells writer Amina Ali about her time at the notorious organisation PFLAG.
On the cusp of the 20th anniversary for LGBT History Month in the UK, 85-year-old Ruth Fraser sits in an old armchair surrounded by books, CDs, photos and toy dragons.
The professional storyteller’s pink hair, wide smile and colourful fashion sense could bring a smile to even the grumpiest of faces.
Yet, what stands pride of place is a rainbow flag pin with the words ‘celebrate diversity’ placed above her heart.
Ruth, who now lives in Leicester, has long been an ally to the LGBTQ+ community. In fact, she took her allyship to the next level when she joined the renowned advocacy organisation, Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), in San Francisco more than 20 years ago.
The American organisation now has branches in 14 countries, including the UK, all of which offer resources and support for LGBTQ+ people, friends and families. They range from advice on coming out, employment rights, immigration and many more.
During a stay at her aunt’s house in San Francisco, a close family member came out to Ruth. She suddenly felt a strong urge to protect.
“When the particular person came out to me, all of a sudden, I realised that before that, where there’d always been an ability to protect, that was gone. There were people out there who would see this person dead for whom they loved,” Ruth says.
“That was where I needed to join with others who felt as I did. And when I got to San Francisco to see family, I saw the Pride parade, I saw PFLAG and said, ‘I’m joining you,’” she says proudly.
In more ways than one, her story is similar to the founder of PFLAG, Jeanne Manford, who Ruth was lucky to have met.
“I met her when she was very old, when she came to San Francisco,” Ruth explains.
Jeanne’s son Morty, who she knew was gay, was a prominent figure for the gay community in America in the 70s. It was when he ended up in the hospital after being beaten up during a protest rally in 1972 that Jeanne decided that enough was enough.
“She was very proud, and she loved him to pieces. So, like all mothers, she got angry,” said Ruth.
The result of her anger became the formation of the first, and what is now, the largest organisation dedicated to supporting, educating, and advocating for LGBTQ+ people and their families.
What Ruth saw and heard during her years working for the San Francisco PFLAG branch can only be described as deeply upsetting. One particular incident she remembers is when a young man from an island near the Caribbean came to their monthly committee meetings with a devastating story.
“His family were very Catholic, and when he came out to his parents, they just couldn’t handle it at all.”
To this young man’s parents, gay people shouldn’t have existed. They were an abomination.
“They ended up calling in the priest, who read the service of the dead over him,” she says quietly.
He had watched his own funeral service.
After leaving the island and coming to San Francisco, Ruth recalls him coming back to another meeting.
She says, “He decided that he wanted to call them. It was his mother who answered, and all she could say at the other end of the phone was ‘but you’re dead.’
“That poor man came to the meeting, and he just wept. He just wept.”
Ruth has countless stories like this one. Whether it’s her offering hugs to young gay people during Pride parades, or offering words of advice to parents, it’s clear that kindness and empathy are at the heart of everything she does.
“I’m a straight woman, and I’m perfectly happy as a straight woman. Somebody else may be gay. That’s fine. That’s who they are. And as far as spirituality is concerned, God made me. God made you. God made them. That’s the end of the story.”
Recent government stats say there has been an 8% decrease in hate crimes against LGBTQ+ individuals in the last year, which they say has been driven by falls ‘in public fear, alarm or distress and malicious communications offences.’
While Ruth still has mixed feelings about the future for LGBTQ+ people, thanks to the recent inauguration of US President Donald Trump, she believes that young people can stand up against the face of injustice.
“If you hear people denigrating people who are of that community, speak up,” she says.
“Now, that’s a tough one to ask a teenager to do. I know it is, so take it one step at a time.”
She also implores young people to “educate themselves, because there’s plenty of stuff out there.”
LGBT History Month started on Saturday, February 1, and will run all through the month. You can visit the UK’s LGBT History Month website here to find events near you.
