by Theo Chapman
You should watch Lights Out exactly how the title suggests. With the lights out, the curtains drawn, but most importantly – your screen completely off.
It’s three whole minutes of tedious apprehension devised by senseless camerawork and fruitless acting. Three whole minutes that its audience will never get back.
Lights Out was initially produced and entered into the Bloody Cuts Horror Challenge. And what a wonderful way that is to describe how it feels to watch it. A challenge.
Starring Lotta Losten as what can only be described as ‘female Mr. Bean’, the numerous grunts and incessant flicking of a light-switch is the extent of the acting that this short film has to offer.
To be fair though, it is a small budget film. So why should viewers expect a prize-winning performance?
Oh, that’s right – because director David F. Sandberg won best director for it.
At least he might have used the prize money to upgrade his flat, which he quite obviously filmed this ‘masterpiece’ in.
Speaking of prize money, Lights Out honestly has more chance of winning the £250 that You’ve Been Framed has to offer, if it’s still running.
If it’s not though, they should bring it back and do a whole episode focused entirely on Lights Out. Because that’s what it is. A joke. A complete mockery of the horror genre.
Never before in my life have, I laughed out loud when the suspense climaxes and you finally get to see the monster in its entirety.
And maybe that’s the problem – it leaves nothing to the unknown. You can see the monster’s entire face. It’s obviously just a girl with some dress-up fangs and some poorly done makeup. I’ve seen scarier Halloween costumes.
I actually watched this at 3pm on Halloween, so I’ve not actually seen any costumes yet. And even so, the lady I saw hanging her washing this morning sent bigger shivers down my spine.
In short, if you have a spare three minutes today, do something productive like cleaning the kitchen or making your bed. Hell, you could even take a power nap.
They’d all be better use of three minutes – three minutes which I wasted watching this piece of needless drivel.
