It’s scary being a woman, but even scarier being a feminist. The fear that comes with knowing that many don’t agree with your beliefs. Feminist writer Jess Bourne discusses her constant feeling of needing to apologise for what she believes in
While writing features and whenever I talk about feminism, I find myself becoming extremely conscious that I sound like I hate all men, which I don’t by the way. There are men in my life that I couldn’t imagine living without and each of them have shaped who I am today.
I have a brother, a boyfriend, male friends and I have had male teachers all throughout my life. All of them have left a lifelong stamp on me – both positively and negatively.
But when talking about feminism, I find myself ensuring that people understand that feminism is not synonymous with hatred towards men, and I am constantly apologising for voicing my opinions.
But why? Why am I still in a cycle of apologising for advocating for female equality and female rights?
It’s out of fear.
I am terrified for the day when I meet a man, whether that’s in professional or private life, and I tell him I’m a feminist and his perception of me completely changes because of it. I am fearful that he may see me as extreme. I am fearful that he may do something or say something to cause me harm. And what will I do?
Will I be able to defend myself and justify why I am a feminist, or will I end up not saying a word?
I’m not sure I have the confidence to speak up.
I think there’s still an ideology that feminists are radical, that we want to tear down society and rebuild it in a way that resembles Barbie Land. And while the various shades of pink and women running the show does look appealing to me, it will never be a reality – not in my lifetime at least.
What does need to be done is the destruction of patriarchy. The idea that men are above women in society is ridiculously outdated and pathetic. Women are the ones that gave birth to every single person in this world, including men. They are usually the ones to cook, clean, nurse, nurture, teach, guide and discipline children – along with many other jobs. So why are women still seen as the ones to be discriminated against?
The problem with society is the ideology that is continuing to be passed down from generation to generation. Thankfully, a lot of men understand that feminism is needed, and why women should be treated equally, but there’s still a percentage of men that actually believe that women are to be looked at, touched, and for sex.
And where do they learn this behaviour? From the people around them, and the media that they consume.
We will never live in an equal world until everyone, including men and women, learns to stop tearing women down and discriminating against them, just because of their anatomy. And it’s not like this happens behind closed doors either. Remember how Miley Cyrus was treated, or Milly Bobby Brown, or even Britney Spears… I could go on.
And this has lasting effects on these women, despite the media thinking they’re doing their job.
I will always speak loud and proud about feminism and I hope that one day I will be able to stop myself from apologising for believing in what is right.